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One day, the fight between my mind and my deep-heart brought me to Don Miguel Ruiz's book: The Mastery of Love. I did not sure how I ended up buying it and read it wholeheartedly. I was struck by his words many times. But I remembered one paragraph from the book that made me changed myself completely. He wrote:
One day, the fight between my mind and my deep-heart brought me to Don Miguel Ruiz's book: The Mastery of Love. I did not sure how I ended up buying it and read it wholeheartedly. I was struck by his words many times. But I remembered one paragraph from the book that made me changed myself completely. He wrote:
In order to protect our emotional wounds, and because of our fear of being hurt, humans create something very sophisticated in the mind; a big denial system. In that denial system we become the perfect liars. We lie so perfectly that we lie to ourselves and we even believe our own lies.
That's it. I was facing a big denial system all this time. I did not open myself to him cause I was afraid he would hurt me in any way. I pulled myself away because I was afraid of my own feelings whether they were true or not. Don was true, I did not want to commit what I really felt because I was trying to protect my emotional wounds. But then I realized, how could I find the truth about us if I did not give it a shot? How if we were really meant for each other? How if we love each other much that we could build a strong family? Lots of "how if"s.
The how ifs made myself to finally open to him. I began to go out with him again - on a rather actual date :). We talked about what this relationship would go. We also agreed that we would take this into a serious level. Even though I was still 20 back then, I did realize that I did not want to take him only for granted. If he wanted this to be special, to be serious, then I wanted it to be the same too.
We decided to officially be an item on mid of August 2013. I found out a lot about him on our journey in getting to know each other. One thing I knew for sure back then, he was (and still is) the sweetest man I have ever found in my whole entire life - and no, I did not exaggerate this.